{"id":724,"date":"2015-11-24T14:06:20","date_gmt":"2015-11-24T22:06:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/3.209.169.194\/blogs\/erin\/?p=724"},"modified":"2017-04-13T09:19:29","modified_gmt":"2017-04-13T16:19:29","slug":"be-the-change","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/be-the-change\/","title":{"rendered":"Be the change"},"content":{"rendered":"

My day had a wonderful start\u2026hot yoga at 6AM with one of my favorite instructors. Homemade cinnamon rolls for breakfast.\u00a0 Great progress made with some client work. Then I read the email from Tom LaRock and the post from Wendy Pastrick<\/a> regarding a harassment issue at this year\u2019s PASS Summit. My heart is heavy.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve read both texts multiple times. This line from Wendy keeps sticking in my head, \u201cI declined, telling him I was fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

I understand. I\u2019ve been there. And it\u2019s an awful place. Any person who has been harassed knows this. Whether the harassment was physical \u2013 having someone grab your ass (or part of your body) is never funny, whether it was verbal \u2013 a sly comment with a lewd look that makes you go \u201cew\u201d, doesn\u2019t matter. The emotional response that comes with it is the indicator that you are not fine, and that you need to do something.<\/p>\n

Very often we are taught to not \u201crock the boat.\u201d Pull up your boots, put it behind you, and move on. It\u2019s as if there is shame in experiencing that discomfort, and we must wholeheartedly deny that. If we do not, when we do NOT call out the offender, we let the offense continue. That person does it to someone else, who may or may not speak up, and the cycle continues.<\/p>\n

I applaud Wendy for realizing that she was not fine, and for reporting it. For anyone who might think she over-reacted, I\u2019ll strongly tell you to sit down and just stop. If you have ever experienced that feeling of discomfort, where your body temperature rises and you feel embarrassed \u2013 EVEN THOUGH YOU DID NOTHING WRONG \u2013 then you have been harassed. And if shame or fear has stopped you from saying anything, then I ask you \u2013 not encourage you, but implore you \u2013 to act differently if it occurs again. Do not wrap up those feelings inside a blanket and hide in a corner. Be brave and step forward.<\/p>\n

I believe in going to any event with someone you trust \u2013 particularly events at the PASS Summit because there are so many people and because it\u2019s a city where you probably don\u2019t live. That person that goes with you is your wingman. You have his\/her back, he\/she has yours. You never, ever leave your wingman (if that sounds familiar, yes I\u2019m quoting Top Gun\u2026those pilots are on to something). If what happened to Wendy happens to you, you go right to your wingman. Do not say that you are fine. Let your wingman help you figure out next steps. One of those steps is reporting the event to PASS (or the proper governing body \u2013 HR, another Board \u2013 depending on the event) because this behavior will not change unless we begin to speak out and condemn it.<\/p>\n

I leave you with this:<\/p>\n

\"Be<\/a>
Be the change you wish to see in the world.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

It starts with each one of us. Wendy has taken that path. In the unfortunate event that this happens to you, I hope you will follow.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My day had a wonderful start\u2026hot yoga at 6AM with one of my favorite instructors. Homemade cinnamon rolls for breakfast.\u00a0 Great progress made with some client work. Then I read the email from Tom LaRock and the post from Wendy Pastrick regarding a harassment issue at this year\u2019s PASS Summit. My heart is heavy. I\u2019ve […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[36,35],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nBe the change - Erin Stellato<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In the face of discomfort, it can be hard to step up, to say something. But that is the time it's most critical. You must be the change you wish to see.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/be-the-change\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Be the change - Erin Stellato\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"In the face of discomfort, it can be hard to step up, to say something. But that is the time it's most critical. You must be the change you wish to see.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/be-the-change\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Erin Stellato\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2015-11-24T22:06:20+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2017-04-13T16:19:29+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/11\/jm12_be_the_change_you_wish_to_see_mahatma_gandhi-300x193.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Erin Stellato\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Erin Stellato\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/be-the-change\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/be-the-change\/\",\"name\":\"Be the change - Erin Stellato\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2015-11-24T22:06:20+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2017-04-13T16:19:29+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/#\/schema\/person\/76170223ffffa1df03fd9be5b66cb158\"},\"description\":\"In the face of discomfort, it can be hard to step up, to say something. But that is the time it's most critical. You must be the change you wish to see.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/be-the-change\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/be-the-change\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/be-the-change\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Be the change\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/\",\"name\":\"Erin Stellato\",\"description\":\"The SQL Sequel\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/#\/schema\/person\/76170223ffffa1df03fd9be5b66cb158\",\"name\":\"Erin Stellato\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/0c8b485bd54ea26b57e99f79b525f409?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/0c8b485bd54ea26b57e99f79b525f409?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Erin Stellato\"},\"sameAs\":[\"http:\/\/3.209.169.194\/blogs\/erin\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/author\/erin\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Be the change - Erin Stellato","description":"In the face of discomfort, it can be hard to step up, to say something. But that is the time it's most critical. You must be the change you wish to see.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/be-the-change\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Be the change - Erin Stellato","og_description":"In the face of discomfort, it can be hard to step up, to say something. But that is the time it's most critical. You must be the change you wish to see.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/be-the-change\/","og_site_name":"Erin Stellato","article_published_time":"2015-11-24T22:06:20+00:00","article_modified_time":"2017-04-13T16:19:29+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/11\/jm12_be_the_change_you_wish_to_see_mahatma_gandhi-300x193.jpg"}],"author":"Erin Stellato","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Erin Stellato","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/be-the-change\/","url":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/be-the-change\/","name":"Be the change - Erin Stellato","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/#website"},"datePublished":"2015-11-24T22:06:20+00:00","dateModified":"2017-04-13T16:19:29+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/#\/schema\/person\/76170223ffffa1df03fd9be5b66cb158"},"description":"In the face of discomfort, it can be hard to step up, to say something. But that is the time it's most critical. You must be the change you wish to see.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/be-the-change\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/be-the-change\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/be-the-change\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Be the change"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/","name":"Erin Stellato","description":"The SQL Sequel","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/#\/schema\/person\/76170223ffffa1df03fd9be5b66cb158","name":"Erin Stellato","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/0c8b485bd54ea26b57e99f79b525f409?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/0c8b485bd54ea26b57e99f79b525f409?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Erin Stellato"},"sameAs":["http:\/\/3.209.169.194\/blogs\/erin"],"url":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/author\/erin\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/724"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=724"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/724\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=724"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=724"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/erin\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=724"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}