{"id":5184,"date":"2021-01-29T16:49:18","date_gmt":"2021-01-30T00:49:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/paul\/?p=5184"},"modified":"2021-01-29T16:54:22","modified_gmt":"2021-01-30T00:54:22","slug":"the-curious-case-of-lack-of-motivation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sqlskills.com\/blogs\/paul\/the-curious-case-of-lack-of-motivation\/","title":{"rendered":"The Curious Case of… lack of motivation"},"content":{"rendered":"

(The Curious Case of\u2026<\/em>\u00a0used to be part of our bi-weekly\u00a0newsletter<\/a> but we decided to make it a regular blog post instead so it can sometimes be more frequent. It’s always been technical up to now, but this time it’s a personal note.)<\/p>\n

I came to a realization yesterday (Thursday) evening: I\u2019m depressed.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Over the last month I\u2019ve found myself sleeping really late, and having a hard time getting myself out of bed before noon most days (much to Kimberly\u2019s annoyance, as she gets up before 8 usually). I\u2019ve also completely lacked motivation to do anything, including things I usually love, like reading, Lego, being outdoors, blogging.<\/p>\n

As an example, back at the start of November I went on a book buying spree on Amazon, and when the boxes came, I wrapped them in Christmas wrapping paper and put them under the tree to surprise myself on Christmas Day. Six of the boxes, with who-knows what wonderful books in, are sitting behind my desk as I type this, still wrapped up. You all know how much I love books, and especially opening a box of new books \u2013 so this is really not normal.<\/p>\n

So I did some research around lack of motivation as I was wondering if I was just being lazy. It turns out that if you have no motivation to do *anything*, not just things you don\u2019t like doing; it\u2019s a symptom of depression. Coupled with the not being able to get out of bed, no appetite, and finding myself constantly looking at the news when I\u2019m at my laptop instead of working, it\u2019s definitely mild-moderate depression.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t *feel* depressed, with despair or dark thoughts \u2013 what I naively think of as how depression feels like \u2013 but I recognize it for what it is.<\/p>\n

And I\u2019m not surprised I guess. 2021 has been pretty crappy so far in my view. The pandemic is raging. The wild Capitol riot happened on January 6 and then the tumultuous two weeks after that leading up to the Inauguration. Gareth Swanepoel passed away on January 8, and then a second friend (wonderful dive master we\u2019ve spent weeks diving with in Mexico over the last few years) passed away earlier this week. Two friends passing away in three weeks, and both from COVID-19 complications. That really knocked me for six (British phrase derived from cricket). I hope they\u2019re the only friends of mine that the world loses this year, but I suspect not unfortunately.<\/p>\n

Why am I telling you this?<\/p>\n

Because I think a lot of you out there may be experiencing something similar, and I want you to know that you\u2019re not alone<\/u>. It\u2019s not a bad thing to admit. It\u2019s not weak. It can happen to anyone. And it can creep up on you unawares like it did to me. There\u2019s a lot going on in the world.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not something to ignore either. I happen to have the annual physical with my doctor in a few weeks and if things haven\u2019t improved (now I realize what\u2019s going on) then I\u2019ll talk to her about it.<\/p>\n

So if you are feeling anything like me, talk to someone. For me, writing this up for the newsletter and posting on my blog has already made me feel better about it, and I hope being aware of it helps some of you too.<\/p>\n

And tomorrow I\u2019m going to open those book boxes!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(The Curious Case of\u2026\u00a0used to be part of our bi-weekly\u00a0newsletter but we decided to make it a regular blog post instead so it can sometimes be more frequent. It’s always been technical up to now, but this time it’s a personal note.) I came to a realization yesterday (Thursday) evening: I\u2019m depressed. Over the last […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,115],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5184","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal","category-the-curious-case-of"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Curious Case of... lack of motivation - Paul S. 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